Teaser Poster for Argylle
Teaser Poster for “Argylle”
Apple TV+



It’s really difficult for a movie to have action every five seconds and still be boring. Really difficult.


So, to Argylle, I give the award of doing the impossible.


This movie is a train wreck. There is an actual part where I was so bored that I was considering standing up and walking out and up and down the movie theater hallway, but for you, loyal reader, I stayed.


This movie’s plot is not great. I’m not going to spoil it for you, so you can enjoy this Apple TV+ quality in your own time. I will say that most major plot points are never hinted at before they happen, or are maybe mentioned once, but not in a way that would set it up as a clue to the overarching mystery.


Another thing; This movie was way too long. Two hours, which may not seem super long, but with the amount of stuff crammed into the story, it could’ve easily been split into two, and if you ask me, I can tell you exactly where I would’ve cut it in two (middle of the vineyard scene, for those who have watched it.)


The characters were uninteresting, the twists were stupid or predictable and this movie was made fro the 30 and over crowd. I’m not saying that every movie has to be made for me, but even kids movies have adult jokes for the parents forced to watch them. Throw me a bone other than, “tHe MaIn ChArAcTeR iS lIkE tAyLoR sWiFt KiNdA.”


There’s also an aspect of the romantic side that I was unhappy with. There’s basically no tension between two characters until there, in the blink of an eye, is. Then two other characters who have tension (tension added by the previous couple) get no payoff? It’s the worst!!!!!


This movie was just boring. If you want a good mystery movie recommendation, any of the Knives Out stories, The Kings Man, or Hot Fuzz. All have different vibes but all are better than Argylle.


At least my mom enjoyed herself.

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About the Contributor
Ollie Warren is a senior writing and publishing major. They write the Flip Feature column, review Lincoln Park shows, and work as the managing editor of The SIREN. They love to watch movies, swim, and learn about history and science. After high school, they plan to go to college and get a degree in History Ed.

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