A (REALISTIC) GUIDE TO ASSEMBLING IKEA FURNITURE

R.E.D.O. YOUR ROOM WITH GRACE

October 27, 2022

There’s a  place of all cheap furniture, a place that either gives you pure serotonin or pounding headaches, a place that has that kiddie playroom your parents used to abandon you at when you were younger, and most importantly of all, the place hailing the best cinnamon rolls. 

 

Welcome to IKEA.

 

IKEA, whether you consider it your friend or foe, is actually a really great place to get all the furniture that you may want for your bedroom. They have a variety of options and a bunch of different styles, but the best perk is all the furniture is relatively cheap.

 

I mean look at the prices from Ashley HomeStore and then look at the prices from IKEA. I mean, come on! It’s a no-brainer!

 

So obviously, IKEA is a superior choice for furniture. Well, mostly. 

 

Knowing that getting and assembling furniture can be a bit of a challenge for everyone, I’ve provided you with a step-by-step guide on how to assemble any piece of IKEA furniture:

 

1. Load the boxes that hold the furniture pieces into your car. They’re a lot heavier than you expect, and you accidentally stub a finger. Then, the box catches on who knows what in the car, and you struggle and sweat as you shove and push the box for another five minutes. It finally slides the rest of the way into the car and you quickly close the trunk, panting and gulping for air.

 

2. Drive home with the boxes and their contents rustling and thumping every time you hit a pothole. You break out into a sweat (yet again) and grip the steering wheel tighter as you slow down, your anxiety levels reaching an ultimate high. 

 

3. Get home and collapse on the floor. You take a minute to try and bring down your anxiety levels, and it works! Yep, it works until you remember you have to drag all the furniture up to your room. Here, you might just break out into tears.

 

4. Carry in the boxes from your car, and set them all on the floor, realizing they’re too heavy to carry upstairs with all the contents still inside. You furiously grab a pair of scissors and slash open the box, revealing cheap, wooden parts and the holy grail: instructions. (Important note: DO NOT LOSE THE INSTRUCTIONS!) You carry each piece separately up to your bedroom. 

 

5. After about an hour of carrying heavy furniture pieces, sit down on the floor and look through the instructions. They seem simple enough, and you might even feel relief for once that day as you look through them.

 

6. Start assembling the furniture, and realize that the instructions are completely useless pieces of murdered trees. They’re so unclear and offer no explanations, only pictures that you cling to, trying desperately to decipher. Here, it is completely acceptable to burst out into a full-on mental breakdown. Have fun!

 

7.  Put on sad music and contemplate your life decisions, staring off into space for a solid twenty minutes. 

 

8. Get a random boost of motivation and change the music to something happier, and you get back to work on assembling the furniture. 

 

9. Finally finish building the piece of furniture after six hours of continuous blood, sweat, and tears. Take a step back and look upon what you’ve built.

 

10. Move the piece of furniture to where you want it in your room. You love it so much that you decide the whole ordeal was worth it, and you go back to look at the IKEA website once again. 

 

This is the IKEA circle of life that we all love and dread. 

 

Overall, I still recommend IKEA furniture. The look and cheap prices of the furniture makes up for it all! I also recommend therapy after this.

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About the Contributor
Photo of GRACE DAVIS
GRACE DAVIS, EDITOR
Grace Davis is a senior writing and publishing major and is an editor on the Siren. This is her second year on the Siren and the second year for her column, R.E.D.O. Your Room with Grace. When she’s not writing or editing for the Siren, she can be found at her allstar cheer gym, reading, or playing video games.

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