SEPARATION: JUDE

Letter from a Stranger is a new biweekly column in The SIREN that gives people the chance to tell their stories. Some of them are inspiring; some of them are heartbreaking. Each “letter” is a chance for SIREN readers to learn more about the struggles, triumphs, and perspectives of people they know nothing about–but who live right here in our community.

Jude (not their real name), is an eighth grader at Lincoln Park majoring in Theater. Their parents are separated. This is their story…

“My parents are currently not ‘divorced,’ they are separated. In my 1st grade year my mom kicked my dad out of my house for various reasons. I, at first, thought that my dad was on a business trip, but later my mom told me that he had to find an apartment for sometime. That time was a year long and one Christmas Day my dad came back and stayed. Because I was so young, I didn’t understand what my parents were going through. This past year, my dad got an apartment again. The reason why is because of his lack of honesty, truthfulness, and trust. This time was not as bad because I am able to see him every morning and sometimes in the afternoon. They have not officially divorced yet, but I think they are going to.

“I live in my house with my mom and brother. My dad rents an apartment that I sometimes visit (before when I was in 1st grade I never visited my dad’s apartment). My dad comes over in the mornings to help my mom and he says at my house if he wants/needs. Sometimes when I come home from school he is at my house, sometimes he’s not. On weekends I have the choice to go to my dads or stay at my moms. 

“In first grade when it first happened I didn’t know what to feel ( I also don’t remember how I felt). But, this past year I felt on and off with it. I know why he is living at a different spot and I also know nothing really has changed, but it is sometimes hard because I wish I could learn how to love from my parents but I can’t.

”I don’t really face a lot of obstacles, but sometimes I just don’t know how to feel. I mean, as I said before, I understand what happened and why they made this decision. I just don’t have some of the same  “family interactions” some people have with their parents.

”My parents, especially my mom, has been feeling less stressed about it. They get along fine, but it is really helpful that they made this decision. They don’t really act different around me or my brother. Both of my parents also had divorced parents too so they are trying to make it truthful yet calming.”

Do you have any advice or way to cope for someone else in this situation? 

”I say that talking to your parents about why they did so is very helpful. It helps you understand why they are separated and for what reason.”